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 Whining
Survival Tips
Learn strategies for curbing chronic whining.
By Rachele
Kanigel
A child who's
just beginning to talk often doesn't have the vocabulary to express
his needs, but by adding a plaintive cry, he can communicate more
effectively. By the age of two or three, the master whiner will
have perfected the pouting lip and cocker-spaniel eyes to go along
with the voice. For most children, whining peaks around age four,
but those who find it to be an effective tool for getting what they
want may take it with them to kindergarten and beyond.
Cynthia Whitham,
MSW, author of Win the Whining War and Other Skirmishes: A Family
Peace Plan (Perspective Publishing, 1991), says all kids test out
whining at some point, just as they try out tantrums, name-calling,
and other attention-getting behavior. But parents can often determine
whether it becomes an occasional annoyance or an everyday habit.
If adults respond to whining--by giving in or even by yelling--it
will lock in the behavior. "Children do a lot of what they
do to get attention," Whitham explains. "If they can't
get positive attention, they'll figure out how to get negative attention."
Survival
Strategies
The best strategy,
experts say, is to maintain a consistent policy on whining. Here
are tactics you should employ regularly to ward off the whimpering:
Ignore
it. As soon as your child starts using that high-pitched
tone, break eye contact and turn away. If necessary, go into another
room. Children who learn that whining doesn't get them anywhere
tend to give it up quickly.
Model
good communication. Tell your child what you want him
to do instead of what you don't want him to do. For added impact,
demonstrate the tone of voice you want him to use. And, don't whine
yourself--it will negate your efforts with your child.
Try
positive reinforcement. If whining is a consistent problem,
praise your child when she doesn't whine. Tell her how much you
like her "big-girl" voice.
Anticipate
needs. Children tend to whine when they're tired, hungry,
uncomfortable, or bored. Try to avoid these situations by being
prepared. When you go on a family outing, take snacks, toys, and
a change of clothes. If your child consistently whines right before
dinner, plan a light snack or an activity he enjoys.
Use
discipline, if necessary. If whining escalates into a
behavior problem--your child refuses to get dressed, for example--address
the disobedience. Give a warning. If the warning fails, then some
suitable consequence is in order.
Cut
a little slack. Sometimes children have legitimate reasons
for whining: They're tired after a long trip or they're sick. Be
sympathetic. Your child may need a little extra comfort or to be
soothed with a quiet game or song. Keep in mind that a whining child
is trying to say something. Even as you tune out that irritating
tone, listen to the words. You may not like the way your child is
saying it, but he may be telling you something you need to hear.
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